Rubba Dub Dub

Long overdue - first bath photos.

What is going on here?

"It's too hot for a Penguin to be just walkin' around"

"Stop looking at me, swan."

"Shampoo is better. I go on first and clean the hair."

"Conditioner is better. I leave the hair silky and smooth."

"Of course I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It's the coolest."

"If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis."

"Well, I made the duck blue because I'd never seen a blue duck before and wanted to see one."

And I'm spent.

Movie of the Proceedings (WARNING - FULL FRONTAL)

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My Introduction To Women's Television

My first full weekend at home brought a nice bonus - the arrival of Norine - whom, as of this moment forward will be known simply as, "Nonni."

I’ve struggled to find the best way to describe her time with us, but ultimately, the plot presented itself via the Discovery Home Network. Dad was surprised to learn that the Discovery Channel had expanded their lineup so far from the old days of African wildlife footage, and documentaries on the Egyptian pharaoh’s burial rituals.

Lucky for me, it was this newfangled programming that was on the TV 24/7 during her stay with us. In the process, I got my first taste of the lovely programs, Holmes on Homes, Devine Design, Clean House, and Barefoot Contessa. Boy Howdy! Let me tell you, the shows were captivating/heartwarming/uplifting/cheesy/and decidedly chick … they were great! I’m all set to now join the ranks of daily Oxygen Network, and 4PM Oprah fanatics… can’t wait!

Back to the important stuff… Nonni couldn’t have arrived at a better time, as after a week of being home alone with Mom and Dad, I was beginning to get a bit weary of their care. As new parents, they were pretty confident that they'd be comfortable handling me - but their exuberance didn't last for long... having read every pre-birth book available (among others, Babywise, What To Expect When You're Expecting, and Daddy's favorite, She's Having A Baby, He's Having A Breakdown...), they felt that despite their readings, the end result was not as advertised... there was mayhem on the "worksite", and it's a good thing help was on the way.

Imagine for a moment that the baby books were instead a newly hired home contractor; someone whom had been counted on to deliver excellent quality and integrity in their work ... Instead, they got a deadbeat whose delivered product was politely described as being that of "shoddy workmanship and overpriced garbage." Well, that's the point in the story where Holmes on Homes appeared on the TV.

For those of you not in the know, Holmes On Homes is a new home improvement program - the show offers everything one can ask for... it's got a warmhearted Canadian handyman, Mike Holmes, and his pursuit to follow the mantra "Do it right, the first time." He often refers to "the code" (building standards) in his easily understood home reconstruction examples, and helps to give the viewer a sense of "I can do that" empowerment. He's a confident leader with wisdom, (i.e. exactly what Mom and Dad needed) and that’s exactly what Mom and Dad got from Nonni.

The list of home improvements she provided was endless, be it volunteering to be the “Designated Waker” (if/when I inevitably stirred from my slumber at 3AM), to offering her cuddling services free of charge at the same all hours, she was a blessing. It was so nice to have someone in our lives who was capable of providing a clear and concise answer to the baby body language that was previously unknown to Mom and Dad. She came in and did the repairs necessary to get our home up to code!

Immediately following Holmes on Homes, came The Barefoot Contessa. Now don’t get me wrong, Mommy (when she tries) can make one excellent home cooked meal, only these days, the time just isn’t there, nor is the energy. In stepped our very own, Ina Garten.

Every night when Dad returned from his first week back at the office, he found that Nonni had concocted a wondrous assortment of foodstuffs including Macaroni & Cheese, Turkey Meatloaf, Pulled Beef Sandwiches, Pork Tenderloin and Homemade Chicken Noodle Soup … all were scrumptious, and provided a home cooked respite from the continuous stream of Delivery Men arriving at our door on a nightly basis.


After dinner came the cackle, “Who want’s a clean house!,” from the TV as the Contessa credits rolled… up came Clean House, starring Neicy Nash (of Reno 911 fame … and little else). Much to Mom’s chagrin, there were no cameos by Officer Dangle, but the cleaning inspiration was there, and the apartment was spotless on a daily basis… another nice change from the apartment that had been wholly overrun with baby equipment for the several months leading to my birth.

“Girlfriend! We need to sell all those shoes!”


Not only did this show provide the inspiration for a good deep cleaning, but also provided for my first memory of Nonni disliking something. Neicy Nash just didn’t pass the Nonni test … her sass and raspy-toned gumflapping just didn’t do anything to make Nonni care for her. That’s ok though, because 90% of the time Neicy was on-screen, Nonni had me in her arms and was introducing me to the two-arm bop (my favorite).

“So we’ve got two tickets to the used-squad car auction. Now, I know we all want these so we're gonna do this the way we generally handle these things … so-ooo … we're gonna have a scavenger hunt!”


Last and certainly not least came Candice Olsen and Devine Design. Daddy had never heard of this show before, but Mommy and Nonni were long-time fans – both became visibly excited when Olsen’s designs came to fruition. Be it a project converting a 70’s styled dreary basement into a finished living room suite suitable for private parties, or, finishing an oddly shaped attic into a themed 3rd bedroom for an undeserving teenager, Candice always delivered. This was a house favorite that found itself being TiVo’d during every showing – including the 3AM reruns.

Still though, how can we be focusing on interior design when we’re crammed into this 700 sq ft one bedroom apartment across from the Empire State Building? What “style” are we looking for other than Pottery Barn Kids within these walls? I mean, heck, I don’t even have my own room – gotta share one with Mom and Dad!

Need look no further than Nonni, who in her greatest act of generosity, had sown by hand, the bedding for my Crib… talk about style! Mommy is a huge Peter Rabbit fan, and it was using those pastel blues and Farmer McGregor as inspiration, that Nonni was able to put together a phenomenal bedding ensemble. Truly the lap of luxury, and sooo inviting after a long day of feedings and fussy fits.

Far too fast, Saturday was upon us, and it was Nonni’s time to leave. I had such a wonderful time getting to know her, and cannot wait to visit with her again over Christmas (I hear I get gifts – score!). It was hard for Mommy and Nonni to share their brief goodbyes, but the lasting indelible mark Nonni left on our household has provided for much more calm in the days since. Nonni was our Mike Holmes, Candice Olsen, Ina Garten – all in one. Truly, the best part of my first few weeks of living.

Thinking of "Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cottontail" while strolling 5th

"It's the Nonni Touch!"




So sad to see her go - Mommy and Nonni

... And Wetness Is The Essence Of Beauty

It took a while, but Mom finally figured out the lighting on the camera... Not a moment too soon, because I was tired of people inferring I had brown eyes. Baby Blues, Baby.

In fact, Mugatu just invited me to headline his new "Shabby Baby" collection.

It's a walk off!

I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius!

When you gonna drop Magnum on us, Girlfriend?

Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigre?

Yes, It's From the KMart Jaclyn Smith Collection.

A Picture Says One Thousand Words

Children's Gas-X

If that last post seemed full of energy, it was because Dad (my authorized biographer) has had one amazing week of sleep ... this is due to two miracles of newborn management:

1) Children's Gas-X
2) Grandma Nonni

Had a few days at home to get to know Mom and Dad ... it was a time full of those "Welcome To Parenthood" moments. The pace at which a parent learns the sound of their baby's cry is of utmost importance, Dad has learned... we babies really do have a rhyme and reason for our screaming, and I'm that much happier that Mom and Dad have figured this out so quickly. Knowing what I want will turn this high maintenance princess into a well behaved toddler, but really, we're getting away from ourselves ...

The real "Champion of Rest" came in the form of Grandma Nonni (Norine). I'll save this discussion for a later post devoted to the story - but know that throughout my second week - I was in expertly capable hands, and loved every minute of it.

Anyway, I mentioned some of those "Welcome To Parenthood" moments ... This is what Dad affectionately calls, "The Siren's Call".

Welcome to Video! (Press the "Play" Button to those who are technologically challenged)

My Ride and Brush With Mom's Favorite

So all that sappy stuff aside - you've got to check out the ride Dad scored for my first journey home.

His options..? Risk my three-day-old life and chance a ride with an infamous NYC cabby? Arrange for a car service to hitch a relatively safer ride with a guy who, "used to be a cabby, but decided to class it up a notch" (actual quote), or, hire a limo to roll down 5th Ave in style?

Shoot, Daddy's gotta pay for me now ... he thought long and hard about going el cheapo and just hailing a cab - but thankfully - decided it'd be a wee bit safer going with the guy whose name you could at least spell without using 14 consonants.

Dad noted that car seats are actually not that phenomenally safe... It's a rather simple installation that strikes him as being something that places the seat dangerously close to unstable. The instruction manual broke down to roughly:

1) Run the belt between these two holes in a base frame?
x-Check.
2) Pat yourself on the back - you're finished - nevermind that you'd feel safer trying to cross a rickety old bridge stretched between a canyon than to strap your kid into this seat.

Thankfully, the law dictates that all children be brought home in a seat . Great in theory, but there's no way that these things could withstand a side impact. Thanks Greco!

Once in the car - Luis asks if we're ready, and slowly pulls away from Lenox Hill.

Got some new digs on - including this cap - which I think i'm about to give up on ... caps are for premies ... I'm over 'em. Anyway, the ride starts an we rollin'. I'm alseep in 2.2 seconds. Dad reaches for the dashboard.

"So we he hangs a left on the 2-1 and Lewis,
Some brothas shootin dice so I said let's do this..."

Mom quickly changes the radio station ... Warren G need not be a part of my first ride home.

Instead, we get... Tracy Chapman... "... I LoVe that song!" (Dad rolls his eyes)

The ride is smooth as we slowly inched down midday 5th ave traffic... Everything is peaceful and reassuring, that is, until we reached Bryant Park, and the famous New York Public Library. (famous - in Dad's mind - only from it's starring role in the original Ghostbusters movie.)

The last few weeks, midday traffic has been treated to the snarle that is the filming of the new Sex and the City Movie. (Short synopsis: "John" and Carrie are engaged, and all kinds of empowered inuendo ensues - concluding in a wacky wedding not without it's own drama ... Charlotte announces she's pregnant as the curtain falls.)

Anyway, I saw Cynthia Nixon and Kristin Davis filming a scene... big deal ... like the travel caps before, Sex and The City is for premies.

Got home safe and sound, and was delivered warmly to my crib.

Home sweet home.

With Mom - All Safe And Secure

213 Will Regulate

Tracy Chapman Bores Me Too

Rif-raff Rushing Around The Set

Home - Safe And Sound

Look At All My Hair!

Cuddling With Mommy

(Note to grandparents - yes - the car seat is most definitely installed correctly and she is safe and sound)

More "My Story" Pics

My First Picture - 5 Minutes After I Was Born

KIssin' Fools - Mommy and Daddy

My First Kiss from Mommy

Me and Honey

Chillin' in Daddy's Arms

My Story

My arrival was not without fanfare. In fact, I wanted to make sure everyone knew I was coming so I forced Mom to endure what I'm being told was a "long labor".

The scene was Friday October 26th, around 11PM - in my 5th Ave apartment building - Mommy got "stircrazy" and decided to make some chocolate chip cookies. In the weeks leading up to this point, occasional Braxton-Hicks contractions hampered Mom's ability to do much of anything, but they were far enough between that it was a certainty my arrival was some time away... that changed.

Immediately after plopping down on the sofa, with the smell of cookies in the air, Mom looked over to Dad with a look he wasnt soon to forget ... her tummy hurt, and this time, it was for real... a bathroom stop and some "show" later, they knew that I was prepped and ready to rock.

Daddy - certain that they had some time left before needing to rush to the hospital - emplored Mommy to take it easy, relax and attempt to get some sleep... it was sure to be the last night they'd get some for a long while.

Try as she might, Mom just could not sleep... in fact, she was so anxious/uptight about my pending arrival, at 4AM on Saturday morning, she felt it appropriate to wake up and disappear into the bathroom for a full hour ... her goal? Why to do her hair and makeup, of course! How could she have been expected to visit the hospital without those natural curls straightened and eye-shadow applied?!?!

Dad wouldnt budge - he continued to maintain that her discomfort wasnt too far out of the ordinary, and certainly did not merit a hospital trip ... 6 hours later, he was proven wrong.

Contractions went from sporadic to rhythmic, and were about 6 minutes apart by 1030AM... so, off to Lenox Hill we went...

For the first time in the pregnancy, Daddy was anxious... normally calm and collected, he felt his stomach move up to his throat as they left the apartment for what was assumed to be their last time as a couple - returning next, as a family... Gulp!

The hospital was a surreal experience - total silence and no one in a rush to do anything. Strangely, within the refuge came a sense of security ... nothing could go wrong now - we're in excellent care, and both Mommy and I were in good health and progressing nicely.

Around the corner came our Angel - Ellen Saposnick - Elle (pronounced "El-E") for short. In preparation for my arrival, Mom and Dad had completed a 10-hour Lamaze Breathing training course ... Elle, whom was the Head of Delivery Nurses at Lenox Hill, was our instructor, and as luck would have it, she was in that day. Elle had been in her position at Lenox Hill for upwards of 30 years, and had successfully delivered over 9,000 babies. Suffice it to say - she was thrilled to see us - and vice versa. We truly were in good hands.

Elle, Mommy (I think) and I!

Then - the bad news ... upon examination, Mommy was only 2.5 centemeters dilated ... and when asked by the attending resident, "how do you feel - pain wise - 1 being the best, 10 being the worst?," her response...?

"Eh, i'd say it's a 3 - my stomach is kinda 'tight' ..."

Daddy's jaw dropped ... all that drama for "tight?!?!" He muttered under his breath ... "If I know anything about labor pain - it's that those who have gone through it before have NEVER described the sensation simply as 'eh, a 3, it's kinda tight'."

Elle turned to Mommy and Daddy, and said simply, "you're still pretty early ... if I had to guess, you're going to deliver after midnight tonight ... if comfort is your concern, I'd go home for a few hours ... get a meal, take a shower, and relax. Things will come soon enough."

Reluctantly, Mom and Dad agreed - they packed up the "hospital bag" and trudged on home.

Knowing that the hospital would forbid food intake once she was admitted, Mommy was quick to act upon walking through a front door ... her order? In a city widely recognized as being the, "Pizza Capital of the World," she jumped online and ordered from 1-800-Dominos. Dominos friggin' pizza! Blasphemous (but tasty given our other options in the Murray Hill area of Manhattan)!

Pizza gone - it was time to relax (if that was even possible). A hot shower for Mom and and stiff drink for Dad were in order. Their excitement was building knowing that within a few hours I'd be officially a member of the Erm clan.

Speaking of the Erm clan, Daddy's Mom, "Honey," and his sister Larisa arrived in NYC. Earlier in the day, after learning of our trip to the hospital, their fervor could not be quashed and a 3.5 hr drive was quickly organized. They came to visit us at home for a brief while - to share their best wishes and support. It was a nice respite in an otherwise timultuous day.

Within an hour of their departure, I decided it was time to kick this birthing thing into high gear... my contractions began in earnest again, and Mommy was writhing around on the bed in agony. It was time to return to the hospital to get this birthin' thing going.

After having to sneak into the hospital through the emergency entrance (after hours), we were greated in the Labor & Delivery department by our night nurse, Khadeishja. She was a jolly, overly friendly/warm woman who was wonderfully calming. One glance at Mommy's pained faced, and she knew that an IV was necessary. For two reasons really; One, Mommy needed to be hydrarated if at some point she elected to go the epidural route, and, Two, Demerol was sure to be our first pain treatment, and the fastest way to deliver the medicine was via IV.

Mommy hates needles, and it was at this moment that she was probably the most apprehensive about her predicament over the entire course of our hospital stay. Thankfully, the IV was a quick and painless event and shortly thereafter, Mommy was fast on her way to LaLa-Land.

Demerol is a wonderful pain killer ... within 30 seconds of it's adminstration, Mommy was on Cloud 9. Her eyes widened and her favorite word became a slurred, "Whoo-oa". She repeatedly muttered to Daddy "... don't leave me, I need you to help me ... please don't leave me," as if Daddy had some place better to be. After constantly assuring her that his brief leaving the room was solely to speak with the nurses about her condition - Mommy for the first time in 24 hours had some genuine pain relief and a calm befell her. She was high as a kite.

Then Daddy met the Cookie Monsters.

The nightstaff at the nursing station were admittedly famished, and Daddy's ingenious plan worked to perfection... as he was walking out of our apartment door for the return visit to the hospital, Dad glanced at the Chocolate Chip cookies Mommy had concocted the prior evening when she went into labor... "Why waste perfectly good cookies?," he thought, and into the bag they went. Within minutes of offering the cookies to the night nurses, they were showering praise upon both Mommy's culinary capabilities, but also started offering Daddy, "unlimited invitations to give birth at Lenox Hill again." A whole batch of 50 cookies lasted no longer than 2 hours ... chocolate and women ...

Then came Daddy's "reclining chair." Manufactured in China, by the Chinese, for the Chinese, suffice it so say, Daddy didn't quite fit into this seating option. There have been several instances in life where Daddy felt like Gulliver and his dealings with the Liliputions... this was most certainly one of them. Any semblance of "rest," was clearly not going to befall GullivErm this night.

---

For months, the "Epidural" discussion was held in private between Mommy and Daddy. Having successfully completed the San Diego Marathon, Mommy was adamant that she could handle any and all pain associated with childbirth. "If know what real pain is," she confidently said with authority, as she remained confident that, like her mother before her, natural childbirth was in the cards for her.

At 2AM that morning - Mommy decided she'd had enough. With my head already at "Station +1" (translation - my head was already one centimeter beyond the narrowest portion of the birth canal), and yet a dilation spread of only four centimeters, every contraction sent Mommy into excruciating pain... my head simply had nowhere to go! Even Demerol failed to help her overcome these labor pains, and the anaesthesiaologist was called. Mommy had given it a truly nobel effort, but it was clear that some genuine pain relief was going to be necessary for me to finish this 10-month journey.

Arthur Charles Clarke once said, "Sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." Consider an Epidural, this brand of "magic." Within two minutes of the Epidural procedure being performed, Mommy was blessed with the magic relief of all lower body pain she was looking for. For the first time, she could rest. The wonders of science had provided Mommy not only the ability to continue on with labor pain free, but also the prospect of getting some much needed sleep in advance of the birthing hour. Mom sank into a deep sleep around 230am, knowing that within the next few hours, I would join her as the next female Ermanis.

Around 530am, Mom woke to a unfamiliar warmth in her bed and between her legs ... Pop! My water broke! The final sign that I was making my final approach on the landing strip of life. Still pain free, and with her contractions shortening to 3 or 4 minutes apart, she was now 7 centimeters dilated, and even my head could be seen/felt on the cusp of the world.

The Final Countdown began around 8am, when guess who walked into Mommy's room... Elle! She was back for her Sunday shift, and the news got even better ... she was slated to spend the whole of the day taking care of Mommy! Her grin was cheek to cheek upon learning of Mommy's progression, and Elle's words of wisdom and encouragement empowered her. She was ready to have me!

Not more than an hour later, the ten centimeter point had been reached, and Elle called for Doctor Levin. Our OBGYN was not available for deliveries that weekend, so Dr. Levin filled her shoes as he was a part of her practice. Immediately, Mommy and Daddy thought back to their Lamaze training, and started to prepare for the pushing process.

Hi Dr. Levin!

At 9am, a substantial contraction began - Mommy took a deep breath, and pushed for what looked to Daddy to cover a period of two whole minutes. After this first push, it was clear I was going to be an eager and active participant in my own birth. Not only was I one the cusp of birth, but my head was already showing itself to all parties in the room outside of Mommy.

5 contractions, and 5 professionally executed pushes later - out popped my head! Daddy says that this moment will forever remain etched in his memory. Though I could still not breath on my own at this point, I decided to open my eyes and check out my surroundings - even while the remaining portion of my body remained inside Mommy. I liked what I saw, and decided to get the show on the road. Mommy pushed one more time, and WHOOSH!, out slid the rest of my body.

Like a squeezed sponge being allowed to relax/absorb the air, my lungs filled with their first breath, and I decided to start trying out my singing voice!

Wriggling, screaming, flailing my arms and legs, I was placed on Mommy's chest, while Elle toweled my down and wrapped my first blankie around me. The finishing touch was my first knit cap. Daddy and Mommy looked at each other, tears rolling down their cheeks, and affirmed their forever love for each other… The Ermanis Family had officially started, and in front of them was ‘lil ole me! The magic of a face – my face – brought unfathomable joy to both of their hearts. Their lives would never be the same, and their excitement was boundless.

Elle was able to snap some photos of me with Mommy and Daddy within my first 5 minutes of life – they are truly great snaps. What follows are the photos from my first day livin’ on my own. Thanks so much for reading my story!

"Chillin' Out, Maxin', Relaxin', All Cool ..."

Got Your Finger Daddy! Look At How Chubby I Am!

Larisa (We-Tawd!) giving me a hug and a smile!

I really do look like a glowworm!

Honey's Got Me!